It has not been a good year. By anyone’s standards, 2008 has been a year of suffering which threatened not only our belief in our capacity to do something meaningful – but which also threatened our belief in life itself.
We cried. We lost people that mean a lot to us.
For instance, the gays lost a friend. Well, some gays may not exactly consider Gillian to be a real friend – considering his character that exasperated us in the gay community – but he was a human person all the same. Capable of loving, thus with as much right as us to be loved in return. Knowing his penchant to make noisy entrances, I feel sad that he had to make a very un-grand departure by way of a bullet that failed to make an exit from his head.
We brooded. We were filled with regrets for things that we have not done – that could have turned out right.
This happens all the time. I know a lot of people who, by now, must be saying “Sayang, kasjay la kuman ti inaramid ko.” Late realizations for different people like a woman who should have accepted a suitor’s proposal, an employer who should have stuck to his original plans instead of taking another alternative, a bettor who should have placed her bets on 2-9 instead of 12-13.
Whatever course of action we may have chosen – when there had been other options – we look back at them now and we can only sigh as we squirm in our seats, filled with pangs of regrets, as the un-chosen option looks very much desirable now. Sayang, indeed.
We were disappointed. We have set our eyes on something which we strongly believe to be good for the many, yet we watched it pulled, like a plug, away from us.
The cityhood of Tabuk is now a matter for the highest court – the workings of which, we who had been unschooled on matters of law, can only grasp at a face-value level. Still, many of our aspirations were dampened and we can only look back and say “How disappointing.”
We were betrayed. We fought back. We lost. We stumbled. We fell. We rose up. Only to fall again. We shed tears. We cursed other people. We cursed life. We questioned God and His master plan. We turned back from our faith. We shuddered with fear. We became hardened with hatred. We were darkened by evil intentions. We wavered on our sanity. We wanted to take the easy way out, and end these miserable realities.
These are the sad facts of life. And they nay night have happened to most of the people around us – if not to us. But we must realize that life dose not always turn out to be one hell of a party where we laugh from sunrise to sunset. I have read at an old literature book in Tabuk National High School that “into each life, some days must be dark and dreary.” I have since embraced such principle.
And so interspersed in our happy days are those days that require our tear ducts to open up so we may shed those crystal-like secretions.
But take note: We looked for comfort. We found it.
I strongly believe that all of us can always find solace from all sort of pain. It is just a matter of knowing where to look for it. For those who have ready wellspring of family, friends and church fellows, this is not difficult. But even for those who consider themselves to be “alone in this world” – they can find this much-needed breathing space and relief if only they open up their world so that other people may peek in, come in and make changes.
And, as one thing I have learned in my younger days, “If there is no way out, look up.”
I hope we all had a blessed Christmas. Have a cheerful entry into the new year!
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